Love This Girl

nice bed

This couple took photos of themselves and their children over 30 years. I think this would be an interesting experiment to try with my own experiences.

TechCrunch had an interesting look into the stages of marriage, based on the web site service you are most likely using.

There are sites that help people plan for marriage, like the $400+ million market cap TheKnot.com. And when the time comes, BabyCenter, a subsidiary of Johnson & Johnson, will help them through the process of having a baby. There’s even Caring.com, which helps people plan for aging and death.

Enter the exit plan maker, Divorce360.com.

I’ve been through a divorce and it was ugly. It’s a necessary evil though. I believe divorce can be a good thing, but will fight with all of my energy to never let it happen again.

23andme.com will take your spit, extract the genetic data and analyze for a whole mess of information.  Some things you get from this information and their analysis tools:

• Calculate your odds of getting certain diseases (e.g. MS and Alzheimer’s)
• Uncover your ancestry - information about ethnicity, location, infamous and famous predecessors
• Discover where certain traits, such as athleticism, food preferences and sleep habits come from.
• Compare your genes to friends and family members
• Social and family networking could get very interesting (Facebook vs Genebook)

Pregnancy and parenting will change thanks to this service.

Pregnancy
If you are considering having kids, this has big implications. For just $2,000, you can get in-depth information about the risks you and your partner have in combining your reproductive juices.  Genetic counseling is an area that could see huge benefits in the near future.

Child-rearing
The company’s  privacy statement allows for children to get analyzed.  How will knowing my child’s genetic strengths and weaknesses change my parenting tactics?  What if a gene for chess wizards is discovered and my daughter has it?  Unless she played at some point, I would have never known to encourage her.

The potential to learn about yourself, your girl and your offspring is huge. There are also big privacy concerns.  I intend to do this at some point, and will gladly share my results here.

I dig this title. It sounds Neanderthal (as in club swinging and knuckle dragging). The image is comical, but the role of the man as protector was important. Is it still?

I saw Mel Gibson’s Apocalypto the other day. In it there is a Mayan man that must surpass deathly challenges in order to save his small family. This is all pretty typical of Mel Gibson: tough guys, who’ll give life-and-limb for their lovers and children. Every single Gibson movie has this theme in some fashion. I know women love it too. So man as protector is still a strong root of attraction.

Does this mean I have to fight others to impress my woman? No. The world has changed. “Protection” is just a limb on the tree of “provider”. She’ll deliver herself entirely if you provide for her physical, emotional and mental needs. Protector and provider go hand-in-hand.

Easy there Lancelot. It ain’t so easy as mindlessly invading her independence. She wants a protector and provider under certain circumstances. Don’t go around doing everything for her, it’s annoying.

Back to sex appeal and protection. She’ll love it if you protect her. I don’t want you to die, so here are some times when it works (and when it doesn’t).

Flight when…

• getting robbed (unless you have a bigger gun).
• overcharged by a couple of dollars at a restaurant. Cheap is not sexy.
• road-ragers target you. You watch reality TV, you’ve seen the videos.
• you are out-numbered.

Fight when…

• defending her honor. Even if you lose she’ll love you.
• mistreated by a service provider, company, etc. When she has a battle, step in as the big gun. It’s us against them baby!
• injustice has occurred. Use your brain on this one.

Seriously though, don’t die, and don’t listen to a guy that spends most of his day behind a computer (that’s me).

More reading:

• Is it Really so Bad to Want a Man - “Simply put, the boys are supposed to take care of the girls.”
• The Real Reason Good Girls Fall for Bad Guys
• The Dangers of Women Earning More then Their Men - some of us fall into this category. Is it that bad?
  

The book, is basically a long list of questions that will help you get to know your lover better. Here is an excerpt from Amazon’s write-up about Intellectual Foreplay:

… enhanced knowledge of their own and their partners’ beliefs, values, habits, desires, goals, likes, and dislikes; ideas for opening communication and deepening a relationship; skills for making healthy decisions about lifestyles and boundaries; an in-depth understanding of the role of self-esteem in relationships; increased ability to let go of the past and embrace the present; and the knowledge that it is important not only to choose the right partner, but also to be the right partner.

This book really stood out to me because my girlfriend and I maintain long distance relationship. The next step will involve some sacrifices. We both want to be sure we are ready.

Author Eva Escher Hogan’s web site goes into detail about the book.

How many movies have you sat through for her? Ones that you felt were a total waste of your time but she loved it? Guys and girls are inherently different. No amount of resocialization is gonna change that.

Pan’s Labyrinth (El Laberinto del fauno in Spanish) is not one of those flicks-only-for-chicks . This is a violent fantasy-thriller about a young girl balancing the horrid realities of the aftermath of the Spanish Civil War with a scary dream-like world.

For the guys
If you like blood and violence, there is lots. This movie doesn’t hide the grim realities of a violent guerrilla war. There is a bit of fighting, alongside some macho, well developed and sadistic characters. Maribel Verdú (known for a sensual appearance in Y Tu Mama Tambien), is a tough “Española” with no fear of dying.

And one name will win it for you: Guillermo del Toro. He’s the guy that did Hell Boy, Blade II, and The Devil’s Backbone.

For the girls
This movie has some powerful female characters. Typical of modern Spanish movies, the two leading heroines aggressively embrace their femininity to save the day. They don’t have super powers, and there is no G.I. Jane here. They simply navigate the terrain of a male dominated realm, always covertly one step ahead.

I don’t know much about the female psyche, but I think chicks will identify with the young protagonist’s desire to escape from her harsh reality into a world of magic.

Children learn how to have relationships by watching others. Behind the Huxtables, your parents serve as the most influential model. My girl has taught me a lot about the impact parents have on the relationships of their children. I could get into those details, but for now I just want to think about where they are now. What will it be like when I get there? Do I want what they have? What will it take?

Like anything, I guess a vision of some sort should shape your relationship. All improvements start with that. That vision takes you through a lot.

• Courtship (2 years) - The love is intoxicating. You spend hours in conversation discovering her every facet. All day in each others arms is never enough. Don’t forget that wild and passionate sex!
• Just 2 (5 years) - Its just the two of you. Your identity is shaped as half of a whole. You learn your lovers true interests and form new ones together. The friendship develops as you enjoy disposable income and have lots of fun starting to build something.
• Parents (20 years) - A lot of things happen here. Your love reaches a new level of selflessness. Your time together is valuable. Your bonds grow as you experience life’s early stages from the other side of the glass. Team work!
• 50, the new 20 (20 years) - You are free from the responsibilities of parenting AND have disposable income! I can’t even fathom what this could be. You have energy and can turn it to your real interests, like travel, philanthropy, and grand kids–all together. This is a great chance to rediscover each other.
• Growing old together (? years) - This is a fun thing to imagine. With your health intact, you know her every move and thought. You’ve lived a full life and can only look back in satisfaction at what you’ve built and where you’ve been. You know your time will come, and hope that it will happen together.

That was a bit more detail than I expected to write (U2’s “One” pushed me). Just chokes ya up and makes you feel all mushy and stuff. Not to mushy though. I know my remarks are a bit optimistic. Relationships are not easy and take work. I know my relationship role models don’t always feel what I’ve described. I’m feeling to good to address that right now.

You read that title right. I couldn’t believe it myself. Its on the internet, and some scientists verified it, men that help with housework get more sex. This makes sense: its about shouldering the family burden. How would you feel if your girl was lazy? I’d get pretty tired of washing her clothes, picking up after her and doing all the housework. We got committed for companionship, not to have a child to look after.

The sexual incentive, according to the study, is not huge–just one more night of whoopie per month. But I would imagine the quality of intimacy in general is much higher. Every sexual encounter correlates to a healthy supply of physical contact. So think of it as 5 more hugs, 10 more kisses, and, well, I’ll stop there before my imagination gets the best of me.

So how much housework should you do? There is a trick. Its all a matter of perception. Don’t let your girl know you read this quote:

According to Chethik’s study, a man doesn’t have to do exactly 50 percent of the housework to please his wife. If he just does enough so that she feels supported, she’ll be happier.

Yes! Now all you have to do is be able to read her well (good luck with that).

But seriously, I love my girl. I want her to be happy. More sex is good, but I need her to be in the clouds everyday with me. I’ve found doing chores together can be fulfilling. Washing the dishes is mindless, so conversation can flourish.

With anything, it will all come down to compromise. Give a little, and remember your college dorm is not a comfortable place for girls.