Love This Girl

How many movies have you sat through for her? Ones that you felt were a total waste of your time but she loved it? Guys and girls are inherently different. No amount of resocialization is gonna change that.

Pan’s Labyrinth (El Laberinto del fauno in Spanish) is not one of those flicks-only-for-chicks . This is a violent fantasy-thriller about a young girl balancing the horrid realities of the aftermath of the Spanish Civil War with a scary dream-like world.

For the guys
If you like blood and violence, there is lots. This movie doesn’t hide the grim realities of a violent guerrilla war. There is a bit of fighting, alongside some macho, well developed and sadistic characters. Maribel Verdú (known for a sensual appearance in Y Tu Mama Tambien), is a tough “Española” with no fear of dying.

And one name will win it for you: Guillermo del Toro. He’s the guy that did Hell Boy, Blade II, and The Devil’s Backbone.

For the girls
This movie has some powerful female characters. Typical of modern Spanish movies, the two leading heroines aggressively embrace their femininity to save the day. They don’t have super powers, and there is no G.I. Jane here. They simply navigate the terrain of a male dominated realm, always covertly one step ahead.

I don’t know much about the female psyche, but I think chicks will identify with the young protagonist’s desire to escape from her harsh reality into a world of magic.

I just had my 10 year high school reunion. It has been 10 years since I have seen people that impacted me at such an important time.  I was curious and thrilled.

My girlfriend was not.

She could not attend with me.  She knew I would see a lot of old friends (and old flings). It was a point of discussion for some time. Why was she concerned?
If you remember from your single days, an ex-girlfriend is usually an easy target.  The physical and emotional connection was made long ago.  Provided there are no other hangups, there is not much standing in the way.  When I flipped the tables in my mind, I could see her point of view.

I saw this as an opportunity to build her trust in me.  I made a commitment to call her often and make sure she knew that she was the number one topic of conversation with everyone I saw.  This wasn’t hard for me.  Each an every time I showed her photo, I felt pride (and luck).

In the end, the reunion was fun, and reconnecting was a positive experience.  Seeing the old flings just made me appreciate my girl even more.

My girl told me about a friend of hers that recently married.  The couple is smart, both are doctors, diplomas coming out both ends.  They just hit their one year anniversary.  Guess what he gave her? A printer!

Most guys don’t know this, but there is a traditional list of gifts that men present to their woman on anniversary day.  The list spans a hundred years and starts like this:

1. paper
2. cotton
3. leather
4. linen
5. wood

(Careful frugal types, gifts get big after 25.  100 years is a 10 carat diamond.)

So back to our witty friend and his printer. One could make the argument that he put a modern spin on a traditional idea.  He killed two with this stone–its modern AND practical.

Which leads me to the point of this post. Never give anything modern or practical for an anniversary!

Children learn how to have relationships by watching others. Behind the Huxtables, your parents serve as the most influential model. My girl has taught me a lot about the impact parents have on the relationships of their children. I could get into those details, but for now I just want to think about where they are now. What will it be like when I get there? Do I want what they have? What will it take?

Like anything, I guess a vision of some sort should shape your relationship. All improvements start with that. That vision takes you through a lot.

• Courtship (2 years) - The love is intoxicating. You spend hours in conversation discovering her every facet. All day in each others arms is never enough. Don’t forget that wild and passionate sex!
• Just 2 (5 years) - Its just the two of you. Your identity is shaped as half of a whole. You learn your lovers true interests and form new ones together. The friendship develops as you enjoy disposable income and have lots of fun starting to build something.
• Parents (20 years) - A lot of things happen here. Your love reaches a new level of selflessness. Your time together is valuable. Your bonds grow as you experience life’s early stages from the other side of the glass. Team work!
• 50, the new 20 (20 years) - You are free from the responsibilities of parenting AND have disposable income! I can’t even fathom what this could be. You have energy and can turn it to your real interests, like travel, philanthropy, and grand kids–all together. This is a great chance to rediscover each other.
• Growing old together (? years) - This is a fun thing to imagine. With your health intact, you know her every move and thought. You’ve lived a full life and can only look back in satisfaction at what you’ve built and where you’ve been. You know your time will come, and hope that it will happen together.

That was a bit more detail than I expected to write (U2’s “One” pushed me). Just chokes ya up and makes you feel all mushy and stuff. Not to mushy though. I know my remarks are a bit optimistic. Relationships are not easy and take work. I know my relationship role models don’t always feel what I’ve described. I’m feeling to good to address that right now.

As I get this site rolling, the question, “why bother starting a new blog?” enters my mind. There are a million blogs out there. Most of them have no focus. The ones that do seem to exhaust the same topics - politics, technology, etc.

What will be different about this blog?

1. This is not a dating blog. I won’t talk about how to juggle 5 different women, or what to do on that first date. There is a ton of junk on that topic. In fact, all relationship advice for men revolves around dating. Which leads me to my next reason.
2. There is no advice for guys in relationships. What do you do once you find her? Its as if once you are committed, you’ve figured it out and everyone stops helping you do it better! Now is when you really need to turn it up and learn to do it right.
3. Most relationship advice is for women. Do you read Dr. Phil or Oprah? I sure as hell don’t (and would get laughed at by friends). I need an outlet for guys. I’m wired different. I want an approach that tackles relationships with “cojones” (or at least some chutzpah).
4. I have feelings (I just won’t share them with you). Guys are infamous for this. The only person I really tell how I feel is her. What if you have a disagreement with her? You can’t always go to her if she is the subject of that issue. This is an outlet.

Am I wrong on any of these? Are there a lot of sites that I’m missing? Do these topics interest you?

You read that title right. I couldn’t believe it myself. Its on the internet, and some scientists verified it, men that help with housework get more sex. This makes sense: its about shouldering the family burden. How would you feel if your girl was lazy? I’d get pretty tired of washing her clothes, picking up after her and doing all the housework. We got committed for companionship, not to have a child to look after.

The sexual incentive, according to the study, is not huge–just one more night of whoopie per month. But I would imagine the quality of intimacy in general is much higher. Every sexual encounter correlates to a healthy supply of physical contact. So think of it as 5 more hugs, 10 more kisses, and, well, I’ll stop there before my imagination gets the best of me.

So how much housework should you do? There is a trick. Its all a matter of perception. Don’t let your girl know you read this quote:

According to Chethik’s study, a man doesn’t have to do exactly 50 percent of the housework to please his wife. If he just does enough so that she feels supported, she’ll be happier.

Yes! Now all you have to do is be able to read her well (good luck with that).

But seriously, I love my girl. I want her to be happy. More sex is good, but I need her to be in the clouds everyday with me. I’ve found doing chores together can be fulfilling. Washing the dishes is mindless, so conversation can flourish.

With anything, it will all come down to compromise. Give a little, and remember your college dorm is not a comfortable place for girls.

Have you ever given a woman directions? Avoid compass talk, like, “turn north on Main st”. Women don’t work that way. For the longest time I thought it was just the women I was talking to. I never thought to find a reason, just figured they couldn’t handle directions.

Now I know why. We are basically wired differently. Guys have the spatial thing worked out. We like maps, and always having a sense of direction in a place. Women find places based on landmarks. “Turn left at the gas station, then right at the church.”

Throw a man and a woman into a virtual reality maze, which will get out first? The guy. This Time’s article, “In a Virtual Maze, Men Are Smart Rats“, mentions a study that highlights this small but significant difference between men and women. Why significant you ask? If we are so different in this simple aspect, what about stuff that really matters? How many times have I dismissed/angered/upset the women in my life because I thought they were like me?

So why does this difference exist? If it is learned, can it be unlearned? Can men be made to think like women and vice-versa? This study about gay men hints that it goes back to the womb. Apparently gay men use male and female spatial techniques.

Its an interesting topic, but I just need advice. When getting directions for my girl, I guess I’ll just use the Google Maps Satelite option. Then I can say, “Turn right at that little grey spec that looks like a church.”