Love This Girl

Reading minds is a super-power that I hope to develop some day.  Sounds like a gypsy fairy tale, but some researchers out of San Francisco have made it a Science.  Paul Ekman and Wallace Friesen created FACS, the Facial Action Coding System.  By studying each of the muscles in the face and their corresponding movements, they were able to document every anatomically possible facial expression.  There are  over 10,000 facial expressions!

Amazingly, a persons facial expressions consistently betray their emotions.  This means that if you know the system well, you can accurately determine the emotional state that a person is in.

It supposedly takes a few weeks to master, but the pay-off is immense. Know what your co-workers are thinking, or even catch someone in a lie.  You know all those times when your girl tells you its OK but then gets upset that you went ahead and did it?  Let’s face it, sometimes women don’t communicate on purpose, expecting you to know. Then you mess-up.  This would be great for all of those moments.

Ekman and Friesen also found that facial expressions also affect your mood.  So if you force a smile, you’ll eventually start feeling good.  My girlfriend said there is a type of Yoga that supports their research.  Funny how ancient arts don’t get validated in our minds until science comes along.

I learned this info from Blink, The Power of Thinking Without Thinking by Malcolm Gladwell.

Sergey Brin is co-found of Google. Anne Wojcicki is founder of 23andme. They got married back in May. They closely guarded the details of their wedding almost to the end.  Guests were asked to simply show-up for a ride on the Google jet.

These details about their relationship could be very interesting:

• Dinner conversation
• Pillow-talk - “Fred at the office really gets on my nerves”
• Arguments - what do they quibble over things?
• Money talk - do they even discuss this?
• Sex - do they even have time for it?

I find this interesting because their work is cool and they live ins such a different world then my girlfriend and me.

I think I’ll start doing little segments like this more often.  Next up, Lucy Southworth and Larry Page (the other Google royal family).

23andme.com will take your spit, extract the genetic data and analyze for a whole mess of information.  Some things you get from this information and their analysis tools:

• Calculate your odds of getting certain diseases (e.g. MS and Alzheimer’s)
• Uncover your ancestry - information about ethnicity, location, infamous and famous predecessors
• Discover where certain traits, such as athleticism, food preferences and sleep habits come from.
• Compare your genes to friends and family members
• Social and family networking could get very interesting (Facebook vs Genebook)

Pregnancy and parenting will change thanks to this service.

Pregnancy
If you are considering having kids, this has big implications. For just $2,000, you can get in-depth information about the risks you and your partner have in combining your reproductive juices.  Genetic counseling is an area that could see huge benefits in the near future.

Child-rearing
The company’s  privacy statement allows for children to get analyzed.  How will knowing my child’s genetic strengths and weaknesses change my parenting tactics?  What if a gene for chess wizards is discovered and my daughter has it?  Unless she played at some point, I would have never known to encourage her.

The potential to learn about yourself, your girl and your offspring is huge. There are also big privacy concerns.  I intend to do this at some point, and will gladly share my results here.

I dig this title. It sounds Neanderthal (as in club swinging and knuckle dragging). The image is comical, but the role of the man as protector was important. Is it still?

I saw Mel Gibson’s Apocalypto the other day. In it there is a Mayan man that must surpass deathly challenges in order to save his small family. This is all pretty typical of Mel Gibson: tough guys, who’ll give life-and-limb for their lovers and children. Every single Gibson movie has this theme in some fashion. I know women love it too. So man as protector is still a strong root of attraction.

Does this mean I have to fight others to impress my woman? No. The world has changed. “Protection” is just a limb on the tree of “provider”. She’ll deliver herself entirely if you provide for her physical, emotional and mental needs. Protector and provider go hand-in-hand.

Easy there Lancelot. It ain’t so easy as mindlessly invading her independence. She wants a protector and provider under certain circumstances. Don’t go around doing everything for her, it’s annoying.

Back to sex appeal and protection. She’ll love it if you protect her. I don’t want you to die, so here are some times when it works (and when it doesn’t).

Flight when…

• getting robbed (unless you have a bigger gun).
• overcharged by a couple of dollars at a restaurant. Cheap is not sexy.
• road-ragers target you. You watch reality TV, you’ve seen the videos.
• you are out-numbered.

Fight when…

• defending her honor. Even if you lose she’ll love you.
• mistreated by a service provider, company, etc. When she has a battle, step in as the big gun. It’s us against them baby!
• injustice has occurred. Use your brain on this one.

Seriously though, don’t die, and don’t listen to a guy that spends most of his day behind a computer (that’s me).

More reading:

• Is it Really so Bad to Want a Man - “Simply put, the boys are supposed to take care of the girls.”
• The Real Reason Good Girls Fall for Bad Guys
• The Dangers of Women Earning More then Their Men - some of us fall into this category. Is it that bad?
  

The book, is basically a long list of questions that will help you get to know your lover better. Here is an excerpt from Amazon’s write-up about Intellectual Foreplay:

… enhanced knowledge of their own and their partners’ beliefs, values, habits, desires, goals, likes, and dislikes; ideas for opening communication and deepening a relationship; skills for making healthy decisions about lifestyles and boundaries; an in-depth understanding of the role of self-esteem in relationships; increased ability to let go of the past and embrace the present; and the knowledge that it is important not only to choose the right partner, but also to be the right partner.

This book really stood out to me because my girlfriend and I maintain long distance relationship. The next step will involve some sacrifices. We both want to be sure we are ready.

Author Eva Escher Hogan’s web site goes into detail about the book.

I’ve been a bit heady lately. I feel like talking sex.

Foreplay. The word is almost scientific. Its that task that all sex-ed books and academic material express the benefits of. I used the word “task” for a reason. Too many of us guys see it this way. The dues you need to pay before you get the prize. If you see it this way, I guarantee you will be cutting yourself off in the long run.
Girls love this stuff. Whether its 10 seconds or 10 days. There’s no constraint on time and all focus on creativity. I like to focus on the play part. When we are physical, her body is my playground; I explore every inch. When I know I can’t touch her any time soon, I thrive in her fantasies. In fact, I strive to hear them all, collecting my deadly arsenal for future attacks.

Sometimes I like to think of it as a battle of the sexes. Women have infinite sexual energy. Guys, well, multi-orgasmic is for the lucky ones. My goal is to wear her out, and literally last longer. Try it some time. It will make you feel strong and dominant. Do everything but penetrate her. Use every part of your body to touch every part of hers. Make her beg. Maker her feel your dominance.

There is some good material on this topic on the web.

• Teasing, foreplay talk, role play - some fun pointers
• Heat Her Up (Men’s Health)
• The Importance of Foreplay (AskMen.com)
• Wikipedia on foreplay.
• Also at Wikipedia, outerplay (NSFW).  Tons of great ideas for physical touch.  Check out the “colloquialisms” section, it’s too funny!

How many movies have you sat through for her? Ones that you felt were a total waste of your time but she loved it? Guys and girls are inherently different. No amount of resocialization is gonna change that.

Pan’s Labyrinth (El Laberinto del fauno in Spanish) is not one of those flicks-only-for-chicks . This is a violent fantasy-thriller about a young girl balancing the horrid realities of the aftermath of the Spanish Civil War with a scary dream-like world.

For the guys
If you like blood and violence, there is lots. This movie doesn’t hide the grim realities of a violent guerrilla war. There is a bit of fighting, alongside some macho, well developed and sadistic characters. Maribel Verdú (known for a sensual appearance in Y Tu Mama Tambien), is a tough “Española” with no fear of dying.

And one name will win it for you: Guillermo del Toro. He’s the guy that did Hell Boy, Blade II, and The Devil’s Backbone.

For the girls
This movie has some powerful female characters. Typical of modern Spanish movies, the two leading heroines aggressively embrace their femininity to save the day. They don’t have super powers, and there is no G.I. Jane here. They simply navigate the terrain of a male dominated realm, always covertly one step ahead.

I don’t know much about the female psyche, but I think chicks will identify with the young protagonist’s desire to escape from her harsh reality into a world of magic.

I just had my 10 year high school reunion. It has been 10 years since I have seen people that impacted me at such an important time.  I was curious and thrilled.

My girlfriend was not.

She could not attend with me.  She knew I would see a lot of old friends (and old flings). It was a point of discussion for some time. Why was she concerned?
If you remember from your single days, an ex-girlfriend is usually an easy target.  The physical and emotional connection was made long ago.  Provided there are no other hangups, there is not much standing in the way.  When I flipped the tables in my mind, I could see her point of view.

I saw this as an opportunity to build her trust in me.  I made a commitment to call her often and make sure she knew that she was the number one topic of conversation with everyone I saw.  This wasn’t hard for me.  Each an every time I showed her photo, I felt pride (and luck).

In the end, the reunion was fun, and reconnecting was a positive experience.  Seeing the old flings just made me appreciate my girl even more.

My girl told me about a friend of hers that recently married.  The couple is smart, both are doctors, diplomas coming out both ends.  They just hit their one year anniversary.  Guess what he gave her? A printer!

Most guys don’t know this, but there is a traditional list of gifts that men present to their woman on anniversary day.  The list spans a hundred years and starts like this:

1. paper
2. cotton
3. leather
4. linen
5. wood

(Careful frugal types, gifts get big after 25.  100 years is a 10 carat diamond.)

So back to our witty friend and his printer. One could make the argument that he put a modern spin on a traditional idea.  He killed two with this stone–its modern AND practical.

Which leads me to the point of this post. Never give anything modern or practical for an anniversary!

Children learn how to have relationships by watching others. Behind the Huxtables, your parents serve as the most influential model. My girl has taught me a lot about the impact parents have on the relationships of their children. I could get into those details, but for now I just want to think about where they are now. What will it be like when I get there? Do I want what they have? What will it take?

Like anything, I guess a vision of some sort should shape your relationship. All improvements start with that. That vision takes you through a lot.

• Courtship (2 years) - The love is intoxicating. You spend hours in conversation discovering her every facet. All day in each others arms is never enough. Don’t forget that wild and passionate sex!
• Just 2 (5 years) - Its just the two of you. Your identity is shaped as half of a whole. You learn your lovers true interests and form new ones together. The friendship develops as you enjoy disposable income and have lots of fun starting to build something.
• Parents (20 years) - A lot of things happen here. Your love reaches a new level of selflessness. Your time together is valuable. Your bonds grow as you experience life’s early stages from the other side of the glass. Team work!
• 50, the new 20 (20 years) - You are free from the responsibilities of parenting AND have disposable income! I can’t even fathom what this could be. You have energy and can turn it to your real interests, like travel, philanthropy, and grand kids–all together. This is a great chance to rediscover each other.
• Growing old together (? years) - This is a fun thing to imagine. With your health intact, you know her every move and thought. You’ve lived a full life and can only look back in satisfaction at what you’ve built and where you’ve been. You know your time will come, and hope that it will happen together.

That was a bit more detail than I expected to write (U2’s “One” pushed me). Just chokes ya up and makes you feel all mushy and stuff. Not to mushy though. I know my remarks are a bit optimistic. Relationships are not easy and take work. I know my relationship role models don’t always feel what I’ve described. I’m feeling to good to address that right now.